It crushes my heart to know that I NEVER asked you for forgiveness for all of the hurt that I caused you. When I think about the many times that you looked at me with such hurt and pain in your eyes, I loathe myself. All you ever wanted was for me to be healthy and happy and I repeatedly disobeyed and continued on a path of destruction.
You never asked much of me. Most of the time you just wanted me to show up. I couldn’t even be present so that you could have all of your children around or go to family reunions without being rude and belligerent. I look back at photos and you are in every single one of them. The silent supporter, the wind beneath my wings.
Yet, I managed to constantly push you out of my life. Except for when things got too tough…and I would show up on your doorstep expecting you to take care of me. And you always did…I didn’t deserve you.
My only hope is that you could see through the brokenness and tell how much I really loved you. I would give anything to hear your voice again, feel the soft touch of your hand on mine. I am so sorry. If I could take it back I would. But I can’t. I take full responsibility for my actions. I never meant to hurt you, I promise.
Your eyes so filled with hurt but still filled with love. I didn’t deserve you, but you never once gave up on me. If I could be half the person that you were, I would really be something. I hope you can hear me, mommy. I love you so much and miss you so bad. Please forgive me..
Love you a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck, your baby girl.